Inspiration in the strangest places

Lace Up My Corset

Lace up my corset
With the image of who you think I am
Tie it with a bow of who you
Want me to be
Tie it tight as you can
Because it only makes me
Feel my heart beat stronger
& Faster
Fast as you can lace me up
And tie me up
This drum that beats in my chest
Will never give up
Your corset
Only makes me appreciate breath
But it will never make me bow
To you
It will never make me be like you
The moon cannot bow to the sky
No matter how tight
it holds her
A love note
Can only unfold the stories untold
And cannot bend
no matter how you
You try to fold her
They can only quote & denote
The feelings they carry
Upon their backs like messenger birds
Their Songs unheard
but stay perched
On the lurch of our tongues
Till we find the courage to speak them
You can lace up my corset
But you cannot confine my mind
Or imprison my thoughts
I am the master of this ship
And I will let my mind set sail
With the wind in its sails and
Time on my side
Free on the ocean of one last hope
I set my course
Of course
You can lace up my corset
With your ideals of what I should be
Could be
Will be
Satin ribbons of countless comforts
For you
To wrap around me
I’m astounded really
That you think I will
Conform
To the so called norm
That you’ve laid out for me
I will fight till I exhale
my last breath in me
Because ones like me
don’t give up
That easily
So lace up my corset
Go on, go ahead
Because the day I stop fighting
Will be the day I am dead

******************************
After a talk with some brilliant minds yesterday about conforming & identity interpretation. I wrote this as a result of that discussion.
****

Rain Drops Are Magical

I believe in miracles
I believe in karma
And I believe that
Raindrops are magical

If I could come back after I died
I’d want to be a raindrop
Or a snowflake
Or that feeling
That you get
from hugging an old friend

Or that first ‘I love you’
when you know your world
Is about to end
but

I have never said
I love you and meant it
More than the day
I said it to my sister
On the day
she took her first breath

If I could come back

I’d want to be breath
So every time
you breathe a sigh of relief
there I am
Sweeping through your chest

I want to be forgiveness
To remind you that hate
Is only an emotion we use
To cover up
our deeper emotional wounds
When
all we really
want to say
Is hey!
You hurt me
But that’s okay
I forgive you

I want to be hate
Because hell hath no fury
Like the wrath of a woman
And just like any woman if you
Mess with me
There will be hell to pay
But I want you to know that’s okay

I want to be your hate
So you know
its okay to for you
To be mad as long as you
don’t try to hurt people
The way they hurt you

I want to be running
I love to run in the sun
Because it makes me feel free
Like I had wings
And no matter how fast or slow
High or low I would go
Nothing could stop me
because I had wings

If I could come back

I want to be a raindrop
Because rain can wash away
All the pain we can’t explain
On the days
When we need it most

I want to be a snowflake
Delicate, intricate

I want to be sunshine
I want to be air
I want to act like I don’t even care
But I do care
So much
& I don’t know why

I want to be the moon in your sky
But only during the daytime
So you know
your light is the only
reason I have to shine

I know you think
These things are
impossible things

But what’s wrong with a little belief
I want to be belief
Blind like faith
Strong like principles
Because I believe in miracles
And no matter what the outside
World says
I’ll always believe that
raindrops are magical

***********
Inspired & dedicated to the incredible Yomna. My teacher/mentor/friend(without whom I wouldn’t be who I am today), may she always believe in the magic of rain drops

Shattered

If I should fall
would you catch me
Reach out your arms
and catch me

Like you’d catch a falling star
Put me in your pocket
and save ME
for a rainy day

Would you let me
slip through your hands
like grains of sand
And shake all
that’s left away

If I should fall
from grace
would you want to see
how hard
I hit the ground
wait to see if
I get back up
& when I don’t
find someone to
to replace me

If I should fall
Off the pedestal
You placed me on
High above all
The others you saved me from

Would you dive down
Catch me before
I landed on my crown
In hopes that I don’t drown
Beneath my own broken
Soul

Would you help me up
Lift me up
Carry me back up
Hold out a hand
Fully Understand
The consequences of
Reaching down to pull me out
From my darkest parts

Even though
you know completely
There’s a the possibility
Of me
& my darkest parts
I keep hidden in my heart
Being shattered from the fall
A million broken pieces

A million reasons
Not to reach out
to my shattered shards
Broken parts
Splattered heart
Battered spirit
Fallen halo
Clipped wings
And all the pain it brings

Careful that the shards
And broken parts
Of my existence
Careful that my sharp edges
Of my blasted being
Don’t cut your hands
So deep you regret
Taking a stand and regret
Trying to save me

Would you save me
Pick up my halo
Piece me back together
Reach out
Save the parts of me
worth saving
The parts of me
worth forgiving
Giving
a chance to the parts of me
worth loving

*************
Sometimes all you need is some reassurance that your ‘someone’ will pick up the pieces of you when you can’t
*************

Capital “C”

When I write
I’m riding waves
I’m crossing boarders
No more lost feelings
In lost dialects
I communicate with my intellect
Through inspiration
Imagination
And a whole lot of soul
Take my soul make it whole
And wholeheartedly
Rewrite the world
Only
As I see it fit to be
And maybe one day
I’ll find a man who loves me
Or maybe he’ll find me
Because I’m complicated
Complex
With a capital “C”
But never compliant
A man that knows its the complexity
Of my words
That keeps me content
with a capital “C”
A man who will make me
completely
Complete with a capital “C”

Crossfire

Nothing ever scared me
Nothing used to phase me
Nothing ever made me
Wonder/
about where
what
why
& who I am

But suddenly
I’m caught between the me
I was
the me I want to be
and the me/
that I am

Now
in this crossfire I got no where to run
Still/
the days not even done
And all my demons
have come out to play/
today/
Using my mind as a playground

Trying to figure out what this is all about/

Caught in a battle between me/
And more me
Past and present
Peace treat non existent
Someone call the embassy
so they can see
there’s complications
in my internal diplomatic relations
Lets/
set up & meeting and discuss
Conflict resolution
without creating more confusion
in this situation
Before the full on revolution

Still
I can’t see past
these bullets
running behind enemy lines
I don’t even think I can find
myself in this mess

And I know that
God did not make me perfect
God did not make me without fault
And who’s fault should it be
If I can’t reconcile the parts of me
Hidden within me
That exist between past and present

Here & now
Then and why
and how
will I find that something

That’s missing
Something that will make me
unstoppable
Invincible
Unmatched
Unequaled
Immune
to all
that is not me

Something known only to me

Unbeknowest to all
Though this something may be small

I know/
it exists
as a perfect balance
between past & present
Because
Without the past
there is not present
With no present
I cannot/

Cannot transform the world
Cannot transform myself
Cannot dream big dream
Because nothing is as it seems

and I can’t help but wonder/

And feel/
Something missing
Something not there
Something I’ve looked for
but can’t find anywhere

I’m not entirely sure
what it is/
Or even/
if its tangible or sensible
But sensib(ly)/
all sensibi(lity)
has made me/
question

To find the answers I seek
To unravel these riddles the mystery/
That is me

But that thought scares me
And phases me
That thought
made me
Wonder/
about
where
what
why
And who/
I am

***************
Spoken word piece inspired by something Khaled said to me. So shoutout to him! Written in basically one stream of consciousness about trying to reconcile who-you-were with who-you-are & who-you-want-to-be

Inter(change)able Faith

You think that faith is interchangeable
Something you can
quote when it suits you
Believe it when its convenient
Feel it only when you can see it
I mean faith
is blind after all

Exploit your faith for all its worth
To make you look holy
Trying to fill the holes in ur own faith

You talk about faith like its extra change
A little bit today
A lot tomorrow
And none yesterday

You preach about what you don’t practice
And you practice what you don’t preach

And I’m confused
Because I thought that faith
Was something personal
Not something to project on to others because you think it will make you a better person
Or because you want people to think that you are a person of faith

And what is this faith of yours?
Is it divine
Is it anything like mine
Does it beat like mine
Does it degenerate over time
Does it flow like mine
Have you questioned it
Have you looked at it differently
Has it ever changed suddenly
Have you explored it properly
Have you ever considered a different faith

What is faith
if you had the most precious
thing in your life brutally stripped away
Where will your faith
be if you lost everything in one day

How do you define faith within your own personal moral framework

Do these questions make you uncomfortable?

You preach about your faith and your ultimate truth
But I ask in truth
To answer all these questions

And if none of them are true
Do your convictions really define you

**************
After much deliberation and thought (and encouragement) i decided to post this. Its really just about those who hide behind their faith & those who preach but do not practice.
**************

A note to my future husband

I will not smile…to your face
Wait for you to turn your head
Stick a knife through your back
And pretend..it wasn’t me

I’m not going to be shy, demure and dainty
A face without a place & and an attitude
That makes me sound saintly

I will not be silenced
Mainly because I like to talk
But I know my place
I will not be biased
But I can give you solace when you need it
Tone it down when I can
Laugh at your jokes and
Hopefully inspire you to become a better man

I will challenge
You in almost everything you say to me
Politically, economically, socially & culturally
About books, movies, music, opinions
Thoughts, ideas, ideals values
Things you hold to be true
In current events,
Things you think are absolute

We will fight over who’s team had the right
To that penalty
Fight over who’s turn it is to turn off the lights
Which one of us is smarter
Which one of finished the last of the milk
And most importantly…
Over who’d win the battle for planet earth…
Batman or Superman
But whoever it is Clarke Kent or Bruce Wayne
Maybe we’ll just agree to disagree on that one
Before one of us goes insane

You’ll know not to bring me flowers
Because flowers die
And don’t in any way represent love
But bring me a big hug & a new book
And I’ll be forever hooked

I won’t promise that I won’t embarrass you.. in public
Or in private
I won’t promise that things will be perfect
But I do promise to make things as perfect
As I can make them in my own capacity

So walk with me
Talk with me
Be with me
But Take me as I am
Take me as I be
Because I can’t be nothing but me

If you asked me to I’d move mountains
Turn streams into fountains
Put your heart back together
If ever
It fell apart
I’d make you the only man in the world
If only you asked me to
I will trust you like I’ve never known hurt
But most of all

I will love you
If you let me
With all of my being
Faithfully, wholeheartedly, forever

Remix Your Mentality

A spoken-word piece I performed a few nights ago.. Tackling the issue of materialism. Was written after I had an encounter with someone who tried to defend her materialism by demeaning my profession.

*******************

You are cooped up in your office
Thinking about how nice is
When that clock on your office desk strikes five

And you go back to your superficial life

Shackled to your credit card because that’s what you do
Corporate enslavement is fine with you
As long as it pays for
those new Jimmy Choo shoes

Tiffany’s, cartier and Louboutin
Can’t wait to get to the store and
try that new Prada dress on

New Rolex, no stress
No morals no principles
No expectations
No dreams beyond cupcakes and sprinkles

I always laugh when I look at your kind when I’m out & about

Its all “let me take a picture of my lunch so people think I’m cool”

Oops forgot to include my designer bag for everyone to see

Can’t have my bbm list thinking I’m cheap

Wait! Wait! Wait!
Something’s missing from this picture

I know let me do a peace sign
There! Perfect picture

And my stomach can’t stomach the fact that you are making a peace sign
When you I’m sure if I asked you who Ghandi was
You’d reply “wasn’t he that bald buy”
The one with the glasses

No clue about Che Guevara or malcom x

Off the top of ur head you can name all the kardashians

But have no idea
About the geneva convention

No clue what’s going on in the world other than a tweet you retweeted
So the people you tweet to
Will think you have a clue

glitz & glam and
shining diamonds you want them all

Do you even know how many
Miners were involved in the making of
That diamond necklace your wearing?

How many sweat-shops made the materials for that supposed
Haute couture dress you have on

All underpaid third world women
& children
Living less than 2 dollars a day

While YOU want to renegotiate
your contract

Asking for more money
Its funny
I wonder how you look at yourself in the mirror
Trying to see things clearer
Telling yourself there’s no better way to live

Then you look at me and call me a hater
Call me jealous
Call me envious
Call me whatever
Makes you feel better

About the fact your a hollow shell of a person
Nothing more than that little
Bit of self respect
you let yourself lose
A long time ago

Go on feed your insecurities
Feed your greed
I dare you
Show me what your made of

You
Tell me to get a ‘real job’
Remind me that those who can do
And those who can’t teach

And I think to myself
I teach kids about the power of words
The power of writing
How to understand the world
You live a shallow life
Projecting onto young girls that they are only worth the price
they paid for their Chanel bags

Tell them to never look past the surface
Because shopping bag dreams are all they need to have

Teach him that he is only as good as the money he makes

And she is only as good as the man she marries

I wonder what you will choose
If you knew life can be about more than the price of your red-soled Louboutin shoes

I pray one day you’ll see
The world as it was meant to be
If only you humbly
Remixed your mentality

Half…

Dedicated to the people I cannot live without (Y’all know who you are)

Without you
I’m one half of a coin
Heads no tails

I’m one half of a fairy tale
Ending unfinished,unpolished unrefined

Without you I’m that one sock
whose pair
you can never seem to find

One half of that cookie sitting on the counter you left so no one thinks you ate all the cookies

I am Half of that would-be perfect strike in bowling

I am Half of that harry potter book you only re-read to see what you could have written better than jk rowling

Without you

I am Half of a exact change

A good book you don’t want to end so half-heartedly you half turn half of the page

I am half of a brilliant idea
Lacking the brilliant just an idea
Just a thought you never thought to voice
Because you only thought you were half good enough

I am a soul without a purpose
I am a princess
With no prince, no dragons, no dungeons and no kingdom

A check with no mate
A queen with no king
A knight with no sword

I’m like Super Mario with no Luigi
Believe me
Without you there’s no me

Without you
Am like the mad hatter with no Hare
A Shakespeare with no accent

A me without an “E”
A you with no “U”
An alphabet with no “U” and no “I”
An eye for an eye with out an “eye”

And I
Am so lost without you

Without you I am naked truth
No sugar coating
aimlessly floating

Without you I am less than half of what I could be
Less that what I want to be
And not at all what I should be
Without you I am just.. Half